Who cares who shares DNA with the child. The Colorado Supreme Court intervened and said that a District judge needed to decide what was in the “best interests” of the child in determining custody. A young husband with issues of his own (etc domestic violence , drinking, drugs , destroying my life) just wasn’t ready to be a man or father so after alot of abuse and family court I moved in with my mom. My daughter and our family are devastated. What kind of father will he be? It doesn’t matter whether the birth parents acted as if they could care less about their child when he was born, and suddenly, they decide they love him dearly. He will be 5 soon and I haven’t been invited to birthdays and I only get him when I beg or give a big notice. I have tried to convince her to be kind to her adopted family, reassured her they love her, they have always been there for her, taken care of her, etc.. she will not listen. Experiences that happen to children when they are young shape the way that their sense of safety, security, stability, attachment, and disposition will develop–whether they remember the exact event that shaped them or not–it can have a lasting impact. A reader, Kim, brings back our adoption series with the story of her search for her birth family:. Once a parent gives consent to an adoption, it can be very difficult to go back. There are any number of reasons why the birth mother could succeed in getting her child back, no matter how long it's been. A husband,two kids, good income so much more than I had to give. They have a beautiful, clean home. It doesn’t matter whether the birth mother decides she needs to parent her child because she hates the birth father and can’t stand the thought of him regaining custody. Whatever. This temporary custody period varies in length from state to state. << We yearn long and hard for a child. They should have to pay some back child care. With worried, but confident hearts, we contacted them, and they had requested we drop her off. It is unbelievable to me how easily a child’s rights are thrown out when an adoption is being contested in any way. Is your child healthy and happy where he or she is now? Although they still care about the child, they are moving into other areas of their own lives. Sadly, humans are a transaction. Wonder of wonders, the birth mother and adoptive parents agreed privately that the boy’s adoptive parents should continue their role as parents and his birth mother will move to Colorado to be near him and involved in critical decisions as he grows up. You have explained exactly what this adoptive couple have done, coveted this baby so much that they will no longer allow my daughter in her life. Everything is cause & effect. Sounds mean, but it was in our favor to have a scenario like that and it gave us peace. I also think it makes the childs life complicated and it’s not fair for the child to make him/her unsure about who it’s parents are or will be. The birth mother did not want to raise the child, and the birth father had a violent and drug addicted past. No, they just can’t handle her! If king solomon lived now, he would have denied the birth parents the previllage to own the child. The truth is that the timing and nature of adoption counselling is so coercive (yes even in this day and age) that a woman facing a crisis pregnancy can end up feeling that the only “moral” thing for her to do is to place her child for adoption – the counselling very cleverly makes her feel that parenting her child is the selfish thing. We have asked this couple to please return this child to our family because they can not keep the agreement for which this adoption was done. The current spouse (and children) of the birth parent might not have any clue that the adopted child even exists. The adoptive parents appealed the ruling but the court took no action, so today, the little boy went to live with his biological mother. Revocation of Consent. Usually no -Thank you for bathing, feeding, housing, loving, nuturing, etc. But after reading all of your stories, I actually support the adoptive parents on this. Sometimes, that means ignoring the obvious. that derived the destructive and defective adoption system overall! If it’s about the money, then DON’T adopt! Because the biological parents do NOT have custody, they can not enroll her in their school district. Court cost was the least of our expenses! It’s not fair the the child, or even the adoptive parents. What if I am terminal and cant care for him? Adoptive parents’ rights, birth mothers’ rights, biological fathers’ rights, grandparents’ rights…what about the child’s best interest? This is a very sad adoption. She’s a lucky girl because she had both parents in her life but i bet it’s confusing for her too. Kelli, I agree with you, biological parents should not get the children back if they ever thought of giving them away. The birth father is totally incapable of raising this child and now will not termintae his parental rights. Btw you are all very judgmental towards bmothers. I worry about if I something happens to me she is the only one that can take care of him. The adoptive parents get nothing. My daughter and her boyfriend had a baby in Feb 2012. It is usually very rare for a bmother to try to get their baby back after the revocation period unless there is proof they have been severely coerced (eg signing forms while drugged in hospital). I grew up not wanting anything to ever do with the woman who birthed me- if she was wishy/washy and changed her mind about the adoption, I’m glad it never materialized. What about the adoptive parents who knew when they signed those documents that the situation was temporary until the courts decided otherwise and the bio-parents agreed not to contest? While it would be devastating to me to have them ripped away from me now, they are 2 and 6 and I have had them since they were both under a year old, the consequences for them would be far worse. We are now taking this couple to court for breech of agreement only for my daughter to get to see her baby 2 times a year and get pictures of her. The age of your child when they state that they want to live with their birth parents will affect how you should react considerably. God bless them. An innocent child, is exploited by the parent and it creates a form of emotional and psychological abuse. Could she adopt him back? Please keep us posted; I know you’ll all be in the prayers of many (mine included.) Many people have won their custody rights back. Blood relation doesn’t necessarily equal best for the child especially when it means a child is to be torn from the only home they’ve ever known with loving stable parents. A younger child could view a birth parent as a curiosity, while the birth parent views that child through a prism of loss and grief. These scenarios remind me of the Bible story from 1 Kings 3:16-28, in which two prostitutes testify before King Solomon. We were on cloud nine. The mothers do have a right to change their mind then since the child was never living with the adoptive parents yet, plus the mother hadn’t experienced the feeling of holding their child for the first time. They invest love, money, time, emotion and hopes. The little girl is happy, healthy and loved dearly. Not only that in solomon’s story it was not adopted child. 5 0 obj Far too few people are thinking about these children and what is best for them. 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